


The very sly and vicious plan of Ronald Bilius Weasley

by JuweWright



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Diary/Journal, F/M, Fun, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-01
Updated: 2019-04-01
Packaged: 2019-11-05 11:34:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17917997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JuweWright/pseuds/JuweWright
Summary: Ron is not happy about Hermione's latest boyfriend. Worst of all, it's the Ferret. Good thing then he has several ideas how to break them up.





	The very sly and vicious plan of Ronald Bilius Weasley

**Author's Note:**

> PROMPT (TheLastLynx): Ron is not happy about Hermione's latest boyfriend. Worst of all, it's the Ferret. Good thing then he has several ideas how to break them up. (HEA Dramione, please!)

Hermione’s snogging the ferret! If anyone had told me, I’d have thought they’re kidding but I walked into Florean Fortescue’s today - it was hot! - and there they were under one of the sunscreens. In public! As if this weren’t the most disgusting display of all times! Hermione! Our Hermione! One of the good ones! One of the heroes! And that bloody Death-Eater scum Draco Malfoy. I almost threw up. I still want to throw up when I remember the scene!

 

Have made a plan. Gonna make Malfoy regret the day he was born or at least the day he dared to put his filthy mouth on my Hermione’s. Told Harry. He was like: “She’s not your girlfriend any more, so get a grip, Ron. She’s allowed to make her own decisions.”

I don’t think he’s understood that she must be under some kind of spell. The ferret must have fed her amortentia or something like that! She’d never date him! And screw Harry with his “we need to forgive and forget” doctrine! I am not going to watch that cunt dishonour Hermione!

 

Have found out that Draco’s planning to take her out to dinner tomorrow. I know the exact place and time and I also know how to get the cook to spoil the food. Thank Merlin for Muggle restaurants and the fact that the stupid ferret obviously thinks he can flatter Hermione by taking her to this place. Lacing the cook’s pockets with money only works with humans. House-elves are hopeless as co-conspirators.

 

Plan went wrong. That is: It went well up to the point where the waiter served the soup, Hermione tried it and found it was saltier than the Dead Sea. Had hoped she’d blame it on the bloody blonde boogey, but instead she laughed and let him invite her home! Can’t believe she did that! Went home with Malfoy! To the darn place his aunt tortured her! And she looked flushed when she came to the office this morning as if… argh, I don’t want to imagine! The ferret sent her flowers today. Gave me another idea.

 

Sent the same flower-arrangement to Pansy today and put a card in with a little heart drawn on it. Hoped Hermione’d get suspicious and think Draco’s keeping more than one mistress. But instead she just laughed and made comments about the “unknown suitor”. They went for coffee and when they came back both looked smug. Have no idea what they talked about but obviously, H. isn’t jealous. Damn.

 

Oh Merlin’s old worn underpants! I screwed up! If there’s a screw-up scale from 0-100% I kinda crashed through the roof and landed at 130. Pansy came to my office today. Thought she wanted help with the assignment she’s working on. Confused as a confunded cockroach when she sat down on my desk presenting her very long legs and a very tight, short, almost-not-there skirt and then told me how charming she found my present and why I never told her and how I’d like to hang out later when everyone else had left the office. Hermione helped her trace the flowers. Have no idea how she did it, but it’s Hermione, so I shouldn’t be surprised. Long story short: Somehow ended up making a mess out of all the paper-stacks on my desk after hours and now wondering whether I should go to St Mungo’s make sure I didn’t get myself infected with some pureblood-whore-disease. Not my fault! She forced herself on me with her legs and her skirt and her bloody big… arguments. I am just a man, after all. Almost sure Pansy’s got Veela blood in her veins. Need to do some research re. her family tree.

 

H. and the ferret now officially dating. Photo in the prophet. Mum furious. How dare she! Tried to explain she’s probably bewitched. Definitely need to get her out of this!

 

Stole some Droopy Drops from the WWW store-room. Don’t want to explain to George what I need them for. Important meeting tomorrow after lunch. Heard H. make plans with Malfoy to go to the opera later. Re-read the instructions on the DD’s. They last 24 hours in the human system. So they’ll do their job if I just throw them into the ferrets coffee during the meeting when he doesn’t look. How about that, your nobility! Aww, did ickle Draco have performance issues after the “Figaro”?

 

What the actual… H. late in the office today. Comes in all hot and bothered. Pansy and her giggling. Used an Extendable Ear to get more info. Wish I hadn’t. Very graphic descriptions. Didn’t know women talked like that. Also didn’t know Hermione could be so - kinky. Obviously no performance-issues on ferret’s side. Checked the description of the DD’s again. Am an idiot. “Will work counter-indicative if consumed in combination with caffeine and/or alcohol.” I repeat: I am an idiot! Got another visit from Pansy in the evening. Think I might need to take the DD’s (with no coffee) myself so this doesn’t become a regular affair. Ronald Bilius Weasley does NOT sleep with Slytherin-whores!

 

Remembered something Harry did today. Sometimes helpful to have a friend with half a brain. Got me some bezoar from the WWW store-room (George becoming suspicious because second visit in two weeks). Going to have lunch with H. tomorrow - told her “for old time’s sake, we’re friends after all” - and will get some bezoar into her. Hopefully will help against the amortentia and make her see reason.

 

No reaction to the Bezoar AT ALL. Must now assume that H. has actually lost her mind and fallen for the ferret. Never thought she was capable to be such a traitor to our past! Still think she’s fabulous. Slightly concerned by her implications re. Pansy. Possible that office-escapades have been communicated. Need to stop these from happening!

 

NEED to stop escapades from happening. Forgot to take DD’s and was overwhelmed by Pansy in a red dress. Never wears red. Never wears a dress. Very confusing behaviour. Perhaps looking for a promotion?

 

Furious! Cunt has dared to propose to H. And worse: H. has said yes! The world is going to end in chaos! H. now lost to the dark side! Also: There was a chocolate frog on my desk with a hand-drawn heart and the words “Dinner at the Kettle on saturday. P.” on a sticky note next to it. Part of brain and other body parts seriously considering dinner-invitation. Have to admit to myself might also be lost to the dark side, if dark side wears stockings and a red dress again.

 


End file.
